Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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