i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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