Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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