I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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