the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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