dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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