He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
