I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
