He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
