the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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