Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
