She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
