I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
