one two three fourrrrnication!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
