At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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