tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
