no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You dont lie about slip and slides
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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