took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
