You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
