We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
