You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
