Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
