I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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