At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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