I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
