I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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