I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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