Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
