Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
