Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
