So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
