I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
