Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
