your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
