Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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