I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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