Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
