is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
