I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
