I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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