Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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