If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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