I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
