I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
