walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
