it was like his penis was on wheels.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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