...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
