Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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