i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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