saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
