I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
