By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
