Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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