Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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