Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
