quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
