I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
