There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
