and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
