chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
