Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
