I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
