It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
