We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
