Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
