before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
