pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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